Blixa squeezed his hand gently. Nick was going to hurt, Blixa could see this. They both would hurt for a long time. “It will be okay.” He found himself soothing. “What so demons do?” He asked to change the subject.
"Think of the worst crimes you can think of, love. Most of those were done by people possessed by demons." Nick informed Blixa. "I would lose this vessel before I ever did something horrible, but I hurt so bad, like it’s never going to go away…and I know you do, too my love.
"You know…I had a name for the baby, even though we hadn’t agreed. Just when I saw you walking around..your little belly…"
"You are trying to help me feel better. Even though you are in pain." Blixa pointed out gently. "You are very kind."
"Blixa, I feel like I want to explode, like I want to do the things demons were meant to do, and yet when I see your face…and I see your struggling, too..I just want to cheer you up, help you take your mind off of, off of…"
Nick closed his eyes and and took a deep breath. He really had not come to terms with the loss of their child and therefore could not form the words.
Blixa saw through Nick’s false cheer to the pain and anger beneath, but he appreciated it anyhow. He put his hand out for Nick to take. “You are very sweet.”
Nick took Blixa’s pale hand, sat down, and asked “Why do you say that?”
Blixa smiled to him faintly, although his smile was sad and distant. He was more upset by the miscarriage than he had expected. “Thank you. I am sure it will not be very nice for you, though. You will be bored.”
"Bored, why would I be bored?" Nick asked, puzzled. "I’m with the love of my life, and these machines that make noise. What could be better?" Nick was doing his best to be cheerful for Blixa, but instead he felt like a fake. He wasnt happy at all. If anything he was angry. He was angry at himself, God, everyone and everything. The only one he was not angry at was Blixa.
Blixa was quiet, not feeling hr deserved to get…
Blixa rubbed his face, wiping away the cold tears. “On the floor? ” It was very sweet.
Nick kissed away Blixa’s tears, and nodded. “As long as I can be near you, I don’t care where I sleep.
A Nurse came in and Nick asked her about accommodations and she told him it would be best for him to go home. “If I have to sleep in one of these godawful chairs, I will, for I am staying.” The nurse then nodded her head and left. “See, I’m staying.”
Blixa sobbed softly, pressing his face against Nick’s palm. “I don’t know what went wrong.”
"I don’t know either baby, but most important right now is to get you healthy and strong again, okay?"
Blixa was quiet, not feeling hr deserved to get well at that moment. “Yah.” He said softly.
"I will see if the hospital can bring in a spare bed, or Hell, I will sleep on the floor. I am not leaving your side until they discharge us from the hospital." He pet Blixa’s soft hair as he spoke, trying to reassure him and keep strong at the same time.